smashcon | Jul. 31st, 2011

Title: Konata Izumi's Big Bite Special Edition: Reminisce Café

Author: pikaflash LINK

Rating: PG

Prompt: Quote: “There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends.” - Smendrick the Wizard, The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle

Fandom/Series: Lucky Star with a character from Pokémon

Word Count: 2,595 words

Disclaimer: Lucky Star and related characters & series are properties of Kagami Yoshimizu & Lucky Paradise. All other properties and characters appearing this fanfic belong to their respective owners. The author is only using this as a creative medium to entertain fans of the series mentioned.

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Special Edition: Reminisce Café

Characters starring in this fanfic:
Konata Izumi - Lucky Star
Ash Ketchum/Satoshi - Pokémon

[Cosplay Café, 2:32 pm]

Konata Izumi walked into the Cosplay Café in Akihabara as her boss, Satoshi Katsumoto, was looking at some paperwork at one of the tables.

“Hey, boss. What are you doing?”

“Just working on next week’s themes for the Café,” Satoshi replied.

“That sounds interesting,” Konata puts her bag down on a chair.

Satoshi looks at the calendar. “You know, it’s been two years since you started working for the café. Do you still remember how we first met?”

Konata nods. “Well, it was a pretty interesting way we met right before the job interview. Triggering the ‘Fight over a Choco Coronet’ flag...”

*

[Flashback: When Konata Met Satoshi]

Konata was at the glass cabinet in the convenience store and there was only one Choco Coronet remaining. As Konata tried to take the Choco Coronet with her tongs, another person tried to take it as well.

“I saw it first,” said Konata.

“No, I saw it first and I'm taking it,” said the Red-capped man.

Konata used her tongs to deflect the other person's tongs. “Hands off my Choco Coronet! I saw it first!”

“No.” Without any hesitation, the other person grabbed another set of tongs to swipe the Choco Coronet, but Konata countered with a second set of tongs she grabbed and blocked her rival's tongs. Now, the fight is on...

Konata and her red-capped opponent's tong fight has moved on into the store aisles as Konata and her opponent switched weapons from tongs to boxes of Cling Wrap from the shelves and used them as makeshift swords. The ‘Swordfight’ then brought Konata and the red-cap opponent into the cereal aisle. With two hard swings with the boxes of cling wrap, the weapons were sent flying into the air. Konata quickly picked up a cereal box as her opponents throws a punch at Konata. With one punch, the opponent's fist penetrated the cereal box, spilling a large amount of cereal on the floor.

Konata performed a flip to put some distance between herself and her opponent. As the red-cap fighter walked towards Konata, Konata jumps onto a nearby supermarket trolley. With one kick to the shelf, she sent herself on the trolley towards her opponent. Konata then swings her leg.

“FLYING TROLLEY ROUNDHOUSE KICK!”

Konata's opponent was able to block Konata's powerful kick but the added velocity of the moving trolley broke the red-capped man’s guard. Konata jumped off the trolley before it hits a wall and Konata's opponent quickly recovered from the kick. Konata ran to a freezer and takes out three boxes of Frozen Burgers.

Konata threw a burger box at the red-capped opponent. The opponent performed a left hook that deflects the box away. Konata threw her second burger box, but the opponent's right hook deflects the second box. Konata launched her final box, but an uppercut rendered that projectile useless.

Before the fight could continue, a gun was fired, causing both Konata and her opponent to stop fighting. The Store Clerk Hikaru Agata was holding a 9mm.

“That's enough! The last Choco Coronet that you two are fighting over has just been sold. Now I want you two to make peace right now or you’re going to get a free bullet from me!”

Both Konata and the red-cap man refused to comply, so the Store Clerk fired his 9mm again. “This is my store, so it’s my rules! Now shake hands.”

Konata and her opponent shook hands reluctantly. “Now hug. Hug or I'll shoot!” Konata and the man hugged each other, not wanting to risk a bullet embedded in their bodies.

[End Flashback]

*-*

“So, how exactly did you learn to fight, Satoshi?”

“I have few connections to a bunch of delinquents,” Satoshi explained. “But speaking of delinquents, recently in the news, statistics indicate that there are more crazy and violent Otaku criminals than regular criminals. Remember that time I first met your friend, Hiiragi.”

Konata nods. “Yep, I remember that like it was yesterday...”

*

[Flashback]

It is already dark as Kagami walked home after a tiring study session.

‘I can't believe it took me two hours to tell Kusakabe where she has gone wrong in her work. Not to mention that big delay because of some idiot wanting to commit suicide by trying to jump in front of the train. At least I've safely made it home...’ Kagami noticed that the front door to her house is left open.

“That's odd. Who would leave the front door open?”

[Seemingly Empty Hiiragi Residence]

Kagami entered the house to find it seemingly empty. “Mom and Dad should still be on their vacation. I don't think they'll be back this early.” Kagami checked the kitchen to see if her sisters were there. Strangely, it's empty.

“Tsukasa? Matsuri? Inori? Where are you guys? If you're planning a surprise party for Mom and Dad, it's a bit too early for that...”

Kagami entered the living room to find Tsukasa, Matsuri and Inori tied up, wearing their Miko outfits. It turns out that Kagami has stumbled upon a home invasion and the home invaders were three Naruto Cosplayers wearing Naruto masks and holding swords.

“You can't be serious,” Kagami mumbled. “If Konata is here, she would say that this is like the opening scene from one of Konata’s Doujins...”

The three ninjas screamed as they wave their ninja swords...

*

Radio: “In Breaking News, another suicide attempt has occurred at Akihabara Train Station, causing massive delays on all trains heading towards the Saitama Prefecture. Experts blame the recent jump in Otaku suicides attempts and violence on the introduction of the new Otaku Tax which charges a 10% tax to every Anime, Manga and Video Game-related product sold in Japan as part of the Government's project to rebuild our economy, named ‘Operation Revenue Raising’...”

Meanwhile, Satoshi was driving Konata home after hearing of the suicide attempt.

“I’m really sorry for imposing on you by taking me home, Satoshi.”

“That’s alright,” said Satoshi. “I have a girlfriend who lives in Saitama City, so I think I’ll pay her a surprise visit.”

Konata noticed a familiar purple-haired girl being chased by three ninjas through a nearby park. “Hey, is that Kagami? And are those a bunch of Ninjas chasing after her?”

Satoshi stops the car. “Should we help your friend?”

In the park, Kagami is using her book bag to fight off the three ninjas' swords.

“Come on, Hiiragi-san. All we want is to see you in your Miko outfit!”

Kagami could only stare in disbelief at the ninjas. “And you perverts broke into my home tied up my sisters just for that?”

At that instant, Konata and Satoshi ran into the park. Konata lands a powerful kick at one attacker's face; Satoshi punches another ninja in the face while Kagami swings her bag at the third ninja, hitting him in the head using the weight of the textbooks in the bag. All three ninjas were taken down in that instant and Kagami was rescued.

Konata ran to Kagami. “Kagami, why were these ninjas chasing you?”

Kagami checked the damage on her book bag. “They're perverts who wanted me to dress up as a Miko because I live at a shrine, not to mention forcing Tsukasa and my Sisters to wear their outfits and tying them up. And to think that they were regular visitors to the Shrine. Now I know they're like you and your Father...”

“Blame the Recession for turning them into the perverts they are.” Konata rubs her chin. “They must be getting really desperate for some Hot Miko Action...”

Kagami did a face palm. “Why am I not surprised?” She notices Satoshi. “Konata, who is he?”

Konata introduced Satoshi. “He's my Boss from the Cosplay Café and he was giving me a lift home since the Train Lines are delayed because of that Suicidal Otaku in Akihabara.”

Kagami did a short bow to her other savior. “I guess I should thank you for saving me from my unfortunate fate with these perverts.”

[End Flashback]

*

“Now that I think about it, Satoshi, why did you hire Hiyorin to work here? From what I can see, her bust is somewhere between Patty’s and mine.”

Satoshi frowned. “Are you implying that I hired Tamura because she’s considered ‘average’? Listen, Konata, I hired her because I need more staff and you’re the one who brought her here since she needed the money.”

“But you still hired Hiyori because she’s considered ‘average’, right?”

Satoshi sighed in frustration. “I hired Tamura because she wears glasses. I hired Patricia because she’s foreign and I hired you because you have blue hair.”

“So you wouldn’t hire Kagami because she’s not a Tsundere?” asked Konata.

“Actually, I would hire here because she fits the profile of a Tsundere-type Miko.”

Konata grinned.

*

[Flashback]

On TV, Konno Mitsune was at the Detention Center watching the condemned Serial Killer is resisting his escort while cursing in the background behind the bars.

[Live in Tokyo Detention Center]

Mitsune looked at the camera. “Not all is going well, Takeshi. Apparently, there’s been a dispute over Kosaburo’s last meal and he’s very upset. Apparently, his last demand is that his Ramen must be delivered to him by a Miko. Oh wait, she’s here now.”

Mitsune spotted a short Miko with her blue hair tied to two ponytails walking towards the cell with the Ramen. “Sorry for the delay, but I got lost on the way here.”

Mitsune’s made her commentary. “The meal is being passed to Kosaburo, no doubt the last meal he will ever eat...”

As the guard collected the ramen and passed the meal to Kosaburo, the Serial Killer recognized the ‘Miko’ who brought the Ramen. The Serial Killer angrily tossed the Ramen aside. “What the (beep)? You’re not a Miko! You’re the girl who caught me stalking the shrine! Legendary Girl A!”

Mitsune and the cameraman watched the incident. “And it looks like Kosaburo is refusing to eat his ramen because Kosaburo believes that the Miko delivering his meal is not a real Miko.”

Konata pointed at herself. “What are you talking about? I am Kagami Hiiragi of the Takanomiya Shrine. I volunteered to deliver your last meal to you out of the pureness of my heart.”

Kosaburo was being dragged away by the guards cursing at Konata. “I’m going to (beep) kill you and your family, Legendary Girl A!”

Mitsune rolled her eyes as she looked at the camera. “It’s his last meal. What difference is it going to make if it’s served by a real Miko or not?”

[End Flashback]

*-*

“It was pretty interesting that your friend asked you to dress up as a Miko, just as a parting shot at that serial killer otaku who stalks Shinto Shrines,” said Satoshi.

“I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to cosplay as a Miko,” Konata said with a grin. “By the way, how was it like working with Kagami at last year’s Comiket? Were you able to promote the Cosplay Café by giving out the flyers?”

Satoshi puts his pen down. “Well, not exactly. You see...”

*-*

[Flashback: Winter Comiket 2010]

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Akira Kogami to the stage!”

A huge crowd of fans were at near a makeshift stage inside the Tokyo Big Sight Convention Center. The crowd cheered as Akira Kogami walked onto the stage.

Suddenly a man in a balaclava under a red cap was driving a golf cart into the exhibition hall with Kagami sitting on the passenger's seat.

Kagami looks at the driver. “What are you doing, Katsumoto? I thought I told you to go left at the last turning! And what's with that balaclava over your face?”

Satoshi was performing a few evasive maneuvers with the golf cart, avoiding the other Comiket visitors and Doujin stands. “I’ll be honest with you, Hiiragi. I stole this golf cart from the security guards and I don't want my face to be recognized as an Otaku Terrorist at Comiket!”

Kagami growled in frustration. “Too late for that...” Kagami was interrupted when she looked forward and saw Akira Kogami’s stage. “Watch out, you’re driving towards the stage!”

Satoshi quickly makes a turn at the last minute, but the golf cart hits the side of Akira Kogami’s stage with Akira still standing on it as the stage collapsed.

“Sorry!” yelled Satoshi.

“That was close,” said Kagami as she looked back at the destruction. “You think Akira Kogami got hurt?”

Satoshi turned his head to see Akira slowly climbing out of the remains of the stage before looking at the front. “She’s fine.”

Kagami checked the back and saw Akira and a few angry fans chasing after Satoshi's golf cart.

“Oh great, now we have a mob chasing us!” Kagami glared at Satoshi. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had a GPS.”

Satoshi nervously scratched his head. “Well, I lost the GPS, so it can’t be helped.”

Kagami groaned. ‘This has got to be the worst 100, 000 yen I’ve earned in my life...’

Akira and her angry fans chased the golf cart towards the exit...

[End Flashback]

*

“Luckily, we were able to evade the security and angry fans to find you,” Satoshi said as he placed the day’s menu on a table. “Speaking of which, how’s college life?”

“Well, it’s not how I imagined in Anime and Manga, though it was pretty interesting that one of Kagami’s classmates I met in high school is going to the same department as I am. Her name is Kusakabe.”

Meanwhile, a robber wearing a Haruhi Suzumiya mask was holding Konata hostage with a knife. “Will you shut up and empty the register? If you don’t do as I say, I’ll kill this blue-haired Otaku!” threatened the Robber.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Satoshi asked as he calmly scratched his ear. “You hostage is a martial artist who can pretty much kick your sorry rear end out of my Café.”

“Awww, man!” The robber groaned as he released Konata. “Why do these things happen to me?”

As the robber was distracted by his frustration, Satoshi picked up a Wiimote and flings it at the robber, hitting the Otaku criminal in the head. Konata quickly opened the front door as the dazed robber stumbled backwards out of the café, falling down the stairs just outside the café entrance.

“How many attempted robberies do that make this year, Konata?”

“Five,” Konata replied as she closed the door. “And I think we need new controllers after we’ve been continuously using them as weapons.”

Satoshi waved his hand. “I can write them off as damaged during the robberies we had, though nothing really got stolen. Besides, he may not be the first guy who tried to rob this place, but we definitely know that he won’t be the last.”

Konata nodded. “It’s like my friend Miyuki once said to me after we finished High School: ‘There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends’.”

“In the end, it’s just business as usual,” Satoshi finished as he looks at his watch. “Speaking of business, you better get changed because we’re going to open in 10 minutes.”

Konata walked to the change rooms as Satoshi made the finishing touches to the café layout. Then, Satoshi heard the door to the Cosplay Café open.

“We’re not open for another five minutes.” Satoshi looked up at the customer. “Oh, I haven’t seen you since the breakup. How has it been?”

In the change rooms, as Konata puts on her costume, she hears a gunshot...

End

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Fanfic Competition

Jul. 31st, 2011

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