Title: Rap Idol Project
Rating: PG
Prompt: Destroying things is much easier than making them
– Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
Fandom/Series: Love Live! and Love Live Sunshine!!
Word Count: 3400
Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from the story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).
Summary: mu’s, Aqours, A-RISE and Saint Snow have a rap battle.
Rap Idol Project
‘It was always going to come down to this!’ shouts the female announcer, her heart-shaped glasses glinting, her brown hair glowing gold under the glare of the studio lights.
Announcer:
Creation and destruction; two sides of a coin
This is the theme of the battle we join
Who can build verse so adverse to place the other group in a hearse
Design allegory and oratory to lead a path to glory
That, my friends, is the point of this story
Which I shall describe to you momentarily:
Discourse abounds and the argument sounds,
Making the rounds on all the most passionate grounds:
Don’t pretend it’s not there, it’ll be settled fair and square,
In this, a one-night only affair!
No need to keep up appearances, no room for forbearances;
There’s no need for tolerance as our idols show off their rap battle competence!
Tonight’s agenda is simple!
Between Love Live and Love Live Sunshine; μ’s and Aqours, which is the best group?
Honoka-san, you’re up!
Lights and cameras swivel all at once to their orange-haired target. The beat fades in and sounds in her earphones as Honoka takes a breath, then lifts the microphone just in front of her lips. She hits the beat with confidence as the others watch on, ready to follow afterwards…
Honoka:
What started out in a magazine publication
Eventually became a KiRa-KiRa Sensation
Our faces and songs on train and radio stations
Snow Halation our hit across all the world’s nations
We’re the ones who’ve earned all the admiration
Adulation, adoration of our skills and sophistication
Popularity, enough idolatry to save our school Otonoki
Record merchandise sales in earning all those royalties
In mu’s is where you should place your loyalties
We’re the real OG’s, Aqours are fakes like forgeries
Don’t believe me? Here’s a list of similarities:
She’s orange haired, genki, so full of energy
Their leader is literally a copy of me
Like she’s stolen a branch from my family tree
Or fraudulently ripped off my genealogy
They just changed the locality and set it by the sea
But for all of the cheating, I get what she’s thinking
Why change our formula, when it’s always winning?
We put the panache into Start:DASH
We’re the pinnacle, That is Our Miracle
We’re the No Brand Girls who topped the world
Long before Aqours was ever unfurled
We’re the deserved number one, claiming otherwise is absurd
That’s enough nouns and verbs, so let’s hear their leader’s blurb
Chika:
It started in spring, an impulsive thing
I saw μ’s perform and wanted to start shining
It was inspiring, the beginning of something surprising
All the way to the top and we’re still rising
We’re Aqours HEROES, we’ve stepped from Zero to One
Then Love Live we won in our second season
But that my friends, is where the similarity ends
Let me say this instead to what Honoka said
And stop you all from being misled
My eyes are red, my hair looks like I got out of bed
I’m not an airhead with an unhealthy obsession for bread
I didn’t run in the rain pouring from the heavens
Only to collapse while performing and get knocked out before prelims
I took down the poster of μ’s from up on my wall
Because I wanted to go and surpass you all
If you take us on, that’ll be your downfall
I think you’ve taken too many sentimental steps
Backwards, and beaten by generation next
Here’s one more sunshine story
We don’t need any former glory
Because we’re the best in this school idol territory
And that’s the end of my oratory!
Kotori:
Stand to atten-chun, it’s Kotori Minami
Designer of outfits more tailored than Armani
You know, I got a chance to study fashion in France
You design skirts which look more like pants
And let’s not get into the way that you dance
It looks like you won Love Live by chance
Our enhanced skills leave viewers entranced
We’re advanced and unmatched, we’re the number one act
It’s a matter of fact, we established this track
Is that all your attack? You need to do better than that
Because like cheesecake, Kotori will make you her snack!
My rhymes are sweet&sweet like caramel
In comparison, you’re spicaterrible
My lyrics bring the pain
Like running a blueberry train
Over you and making a stain of your group so plain
Akihabara is our Wonder Zone
We’ve twice sold out the Tokyo Dome
And we’ve stolen the show and you should just go home!
You:
This is You repping Aqours, laying down grooves,
Compared to μ’s, you’d say that we’re new and improved
I didn’t want to be rude, but you’ve a bad attitude
Maybe that’s why your songs are unrefined and quite crude
Aww, I’m sorry, was that a little too shrewd?
I’ll show you that we have the real aptitude
As opposed to μ’s, who are out to delude
We’re better by an order of magnitudes
You’re like beginners sailing – drowning and failing
Falling over the railing without your lifejacket inflating
I’ll be the shark when I see your limbs flailing
Blood in the water always gets my heart racing!
Umi:
Umi Sonoda, lyricist extraordinaire,
I’ve written my share of rhymes beyond compare
When I’m done you’ll need a visit from Médecins Sans Frontières
My name means sea, I’m a student of archery
Love arrows in my armoury, ready to pierce without pleasantry
For now, a treatise to show off my expertise:
We’re the best of the school idol species
The lyrics of your songs are verbal faeces
And they spread far worse than any disease
We have courage and reason
You should be discouraged and leave soon
Before a massacre blooms like a flower in the future
And your defeat looms ever nearer and nearer
Riko
Recording hit after hit, I’m Riko Sakurauchi
Composing chart toppers is my pianoforte
I’ll add writing monologue to that, just for today
I’ll convey words which make μ’s just cliché
Like their songs: so simply written and passé
I’m on the piano from Monday to Friday
Because on the weekends I’m buying yuri doujinsh-
Ahem!
I was enrolled in Otonokizaka
So I know first-hand their students are all suckers
And suck-ups to this group of mediocres
Heard of Nishikino-san?
My compositions are above hers
Much like how this verse is
If she wants to take me on
She should prepare her nurses!
Maki:
No time to be nice when my lines begin
It’s time to get Maki-avellian
I’m pedigree of progeny; prodigal product of prophecy
Popping poetic polemic, making you all look pathetic
Playing piano, no one comes near a Nishikino
Not Chopin or Beethoven and certainly not Riko
I feel it’s time to be real with the title she’s trying to steal
So here’s the deal: stop me if you’ve heard this before
A schoolgirl red-haired pianist, writing scores
Finding chords, leading dreams to their doors
And earning applause and encores
Long before Aqours was in force
There was Nishikino Maki, of course
If I were to summarise Riko-san
I’d say she’s like me, but worse
I’m the darling on the keys
I pull off daring lines with ease
Let’s see who’s willing to lose now; next please!
Hanamaru
Hanamaru Kunikida, about to open up like pandora
As for my rhymes, I have a plethora, zura
I spend my free time in the library;
An expert in history and vocabulary
So with my skills of diction let me serve some non-fiction:
Our songs are an addiction like nicotine
You’re like Antoinette – set for the guillotine
We’re the revolution on the school idol scene
Set to wipe out the has-beens and their delusional dreams
Climb the scaffolding, set the stocks, wear a hood to block the sun
I’ll pull the rope, loose the blade and say “Goodnight, everyone!”
Rin:
With Hoshizora Rin, winning’s a sure thing
I’ll rin-rin-ring a love wing bell and put the new girls in their shell
Like throwing children in a well when I dispel this lyrical spell
An idol with a verbal tic; a cute trick
Who did you nick that from, I wonder?
Be subtler next time – even ‘nya’ rhymes with ‘zura’!
And I don’t get why nya’ll have anything to say
Because your school gets closed down anyway
Pretty sure it’s a rule – school idols need a school
So would you please not get up here and just look like fools
Not unless you just like being schooled?
Ruby
I… umm…
I’m really not good with this sudden attention…
Err…
T-The reason why we’re number one,
Is because we have the bestest onee-chan-
Announcer:
Oh sorry, my mistake!
It’s halftime now, I called it a bit late!
We have something extra to put on the viewers plate
Ain’t that great? So sorry Ruby, you’ll have to wait
Now, if you’re caught by surprise and thought that was it
Then you should’ve read the summary, you dimwit!
Please welcome to the show both A-RISE and Saint Snow
As we continue this rap battle between rival shows
Are both of you ready? Well then, let’s go!
Tsubasa:
Hey now, did you really forget about us?
We wrote the syllabus on school idol genius
It’s time to versus with our verses
We’re Venuses, now let me unleash my thesis:
We’re the first gen school idols, of which you’re disciples
Inspiring rivals and delivering titles
Winning Love Live showed that we’re who’s who among idols
And history will show that we should’ve had two
μ’s won the second, but it was just lucky
‘Cause we really should’ve won after playing “Shocking Party”
Sarah:
Saint Snow’s Sarah here, about to put it in your ear
About how we’re the superior set of rivals to our opponents here
When I awaken the power it’ll all turn sour for ya
Like the look that Erena always has on her resting bitch face
Maybe she’s just showing her distaste
For the outfits Anju makes: gaudy and lacking in grace
Designed by someone with no taste
The fashion world you debase with this walking disgrace
Kindly get this trash out of this place
Oh, and when you’re finished, take care of their costumes too
We’re taking no prisoners as we’re working this coup
Erena:
We’re the source who got μ’s originally inspired
Without A-RISE, this story doesn’t even get started
It’s not hard to see how that originally transpired
Our legacy is something that’ll never expire
And that’s something that can’t be said about you
“Hello there, we’re Saint Snow!” – I’m sorry, but who?
I’d say don’t slip, but I might be too late
Sorry, that quip was just an easy bait
Please don’t hate me for making it
But have you heard of rubber soles?
You might want to investigate
It might have stopped you from that mistake
It’s just a little something to contemplate
Leah:
No fear, it’s Leah on the mic from Saint Snow
Don’t test my self control, it’s about to get personal:
Miss Tsubasa of A-RISE, is there something wrong with your eyes?
Because you wink so often it gives your lids exercise
Like you’re blinking away flies from your stench of pigsties
You have a forehead you could land planes on
Your songs are plain and cliché; always drags on
We’re like pieces in chess – I’m queen and you’re pawn
I bet your parents regret having you as their spawn
And the other two aren’t even worth railing on
So that’s it, drop the mic, I’m so freaking done!
Anju:
You couldn’t keep it classy, now it’s a Private War
Shame this is PG-13
Or I’d call you daughters of a whor…se
Think I’ll pay reverence to your relevance?
That’s a reference I can’t countenance
You sure talk a big game
For someone who falls when they dance
We wrote the record book with our hooks
You’ve always left the stage shook
Sadly, not in a good way, instead
Walking away as prey to competition of the day
With your sorry displays, get out of the way
When A-RISE come to play, you should pray
You won’t come out alive at the end of the fray!
Announcer:
Who won? Who’s next? You decid-
Wait, actually it’s Ruby who’s next as we continue this text
I’m sorry for introducing some unnecessary subtext!
Let’s see if she can unleash a verbal suplex after having some time to think of her words next!
Ruby:
A-A ruby is a gem coloured red or pink,
A Ruby with one eye shut, that’s a red gem wink
And Ruby knows what everyone here likes to think
I’m just a loli who likes lollies, a cutie saying “Ganbaruby”
Dia’s always protectively next to me
Well, let me cut myself free
I’ll spit lines like an uzi to defeat these floozies
Your outfits are lame, your songs are plain
We have more fans than you’ll ever gain
We reign supreme in this school idol game
So leave while you can, before you get slain!
Hanayo:
This is Hanayo Koizumi, just listen to me
Rail on these dopes as easy as skipping rope
We push the envelope, they steal our tropes
They’re the dirt in much need of some soap
I feel unclean just from having watched them spoke
So here’s a joke…
Aqours
Run on back home to your mothers
Scour the smell of defeat in your showers
And leave the stage for those with the powers
Like one with a name that means flowers
AKA me! Hanayo Koizumi!
I could go endlessly,
But then I’d have to start charging fees.
Yoshiko:
This world is unbalanced, off-axis
So let me right it like Atlas
Because at last it’s time for Yohane’s target practice
Just a fallen angel who’s about to raise hell
I revel in rebellion, I’ve got eight little demons
To place these relics in museums or mausoleums
I’m ice cool like Cocytus, although my luck is in crisis
Our songs got a touch like Midas
Of school idols, we’re finest
Why listen to μ’s, they’re old like arthritis
I hope it won’t hurt when you kneel in front of Yohane: your Highness
Nico:
This is Nico Yazawa, about to hit you
With rhymes so dirty you’ll be needing a shower
You put on a brave act but you’re lacking in tact
You’re about to get smacked by my Love Nico Attack
You’ll be lucky if you get out of this verse intact
In fact, I’ve become a verbal magician, just listen
I’m Number One for a reason
Well, more than one, actually,
Nico Nii can think of three
So the star of BiBi will emcee and show you why
μ’s is the bees knees and Aqours are understudies
Reason one: because μ’s have me, okay, done
Reason two: because your dues are long overdue
Without us, there would never be you
Reason three is again, me: I’m amazingly, breathtakingly,
Incomparably above all of thee
Get on one knee and bow to my idol royalty!
Mari:
You want to know what me, Mari, thinks of these citysiders?
Beach, please! That’s what I prefer
I’m licenced to take my van
Up the new winding road to my seaside mansion
And I get to touch the chest of Kanan
And Dia with my bare hands-
Dia and Kanan:
Perverted woman!
Mari:
There’s a helicopter for when I want to sightsee
If I get bored, I have land in Italy
I need more ways to spend my money
Perhaps I’ll commission another statute or three
Let me give you some advice that’s free
Try not to mess with me, because I carry weaponry
Heavy metal and shiny, always kept close to me
Keep your distance like you’re supposed to be
Don’t make me use it when I get angry
That’s right, I carry…
Gold chains of jewellery
They really hurt if I use them carelessly!
Nozomi:
You wanna go toe to toe with Tojou from Tokyo?
You’re in for some woe as I hit you with my flow
This part-time, damn fine, chime-ringing shrine maiden
Will leave you shaken by my words, I’m just that brazen
We’re the dancing stars, and not Aqours
We’re the nine goddesses, you all are just novices
You think you’ve surpassed us, that’s your hypothesis?
How preposterous! Our skills are pure divine providence
Let me call into evidence something readily evident:
We’re the muses by name, being school idols’ our game
We brought the fame, and that’s something you can’t claim
Our group of nine, blessed from Kanda Shrine
Will stand the test of time, instead of Love Live Sunshine!
Kanan:
Delivering lines like a cannon, more truthful than canon
It’s me, Kanan; can we beat you? Yes we can and
I taught Chika how to do backflips for days
Your leader likes to pass out on stage after performing a twist
I’ll take a boat out; watch whales like a biologist
I’m an expert on it so I can tell you this
You have something in common – you both blow
I had to explain that ‘cause you seem a bit slow
In fact, I’d say you’re somewhat like fish
Like a starfish; I’ll explain: you both lack brains
You’re a shame to human evolutionary traits
You should be hit by a train of freight
Because everything about you all is second rate!
Eli:
This is Eli Ayase, listen to me when I say
I spray verses like an AK and I’m ready to slay
Trained in ballet, I’m a Bolshevik ballerina
Sing like an ocarina with skills to sell out arenas
We’re the true queens, princesses, duchesses, reginas
You scavenge on our reputation like rabid hyenas
We’re Athenas and you’re already miles beneath us
We’re handsome and horosho and you’re just horrible
It’s a horror show just watching you, your skills are just terrible
We’re not even comparable, you’re just freaking unbearable
I’m kawaii and kashkoi, I could star in Bolshoi
In dance, any one of you I could destroy like cheap toys
Thrown by a baby in a cradle, I’m an angelic angel
Watching as you continue to flail and fail
I’m no guardian, you’ve gotta run
Because I string lines together just for fun
But never fear, we’ll cut it here and say that I’m done
Unless you’d like me to bust out an even better one?
Dia:
This is Dia “Even My Name Rhymes” Kurosawa
I spit straight fire when I want to
What I’ve aspired to ever since I started school
When I found mu’s: my pure, dove white first love
But where do I now stand when push comes to shove?
Do I burn my CDs like effigees?
Alight my Eli tees and nesoberis?
(And perhaps cry over the wasted fees)
I… I can’t do this, please!
I refuse to play a game which puts me ill at ease
I’d rather die, so write my eulogies
I’ll pray on my knees for the group which set my abc’s
I’m only sorry that I’m a failure as a sister, Ruby.
Ruby:
Onee-chan…
Chika:
Dia, you traitor!
You:
You’re meant to be a hater!
Kanan:
Worry about things later, we’re here to be debaters!
Announcer:
If I may say a few words as your arbitrator-
Honoka:
I’m sorry, but who even is this?
Announcer:
The name’s Akiba Reporter, check MyAnimeList
Of this battle, I think I get the jist
Generations of idols brawling with words instead of fists
I think some people might take things way too serious
So to sum things up, I’ll now say this:
The show’s called “Love Live”
It’s not meant to divide
And instead supply the kind of pride that
Only cute girls and pop songs can serve to provide
No need for hate or impassioned debate
Because in the end, they’re really both great
Don’t start shipping wars where there’s nothing at stake
It’s a mistake, dumb and simple, like the minds of such people
And instead, turn a hand to create and cultivate
A school idol paradise where ideas resonate
But enough of my evangelizing, proselytizing
I’ll get back to the writing and rhyming, it’s good timing
To close things off with one final chapter
And now deal with the most important matter
That is: Love Live is way better than IdolM@ster!
ALL:
And that, our friends, is our combined answer!
We hope you’ve enjoyed your school idol rappers!
Review Here!